And the greatest of these is love.

Philosophy #4
I shall love.

My life has been marked by a distinct lack of love, not that anyone on the outside would know. It's an internal thing, an attitude thing, a motivational thing that has resided in the deep subconscious of my mind. The lack of love has been the source of thoughts like I shall be governed by and do only that which I deem is fair and I will only submit to you, my authority, if I agree with you and I shall be a flake when it comes to some of my responsibilities, because I can.

For me, the most blatant window into the heart of my loveless soul has been the way I treat the general public. The checker lady at the grocery store is not a person, she simply represents a utilitarian function. The gas station guy, he's probably scary and would stalk me if I said hi. The homeless guy on the street, he's a con-artist looking for an easy buck. Nah, they're not people, they're the decoration that make the world go round. Better to avoid interacting with them completely or they may end up becoming people. And I should probably care about people.

Love, I used to think, came in a measured container. If I poured it out, I wouldn't have enough to survive the rest of the day... or week, or year, or life. Scarier still, if I loved that grocery lady I might have a moral obligation to do something for her one day. Then she would take advantage of my service, suck me dry and spit me out and I would end up feeling miserable and used.

My old philosophies regarding love are so much more complex than I can express. My old way restricted my ability to care about people, it destroyed my desire to serve others, it made me selfish and detached from the world. I was a ghost passing through, observing everything but partaking in nothing. I was influenced but not an influencer. I saw what could be done, but did nothing. I kept a heavy wall around myself that could only be penetrated by those I knew. I loved people whom I knew would love me back.

I don’t have any desire to stand on the sidelines of existence and watch the world pass me by. I want to be involved, I want to have the gall and the guts to do the most craziest thing of all, to love. Regardless of the situation, regardless of my convenience, my fears, feeling mooched off of, regardless if loving others hurts me or humiliates me, I want to love. And as long as my capacity to love is dependent on Christ, as long as my motivation to serve others is because I'm serving him, the result doesn't matter. I do it for him. My humiliation is for him. Facing my fears is for him. Loving, serving, it's all for him.

Easier said than done, but it's the initial attitude change that matters most. By wanting to love, I am aware that people need to be loved. I'm prone to be more observant at the check out counter, I look into people's eyes. I wonder what it would be like if I lived on the street, I empathize with the haggard flight attendant, I engage in silly small talk because I really want to know the person. And if a need comes up or even before a need comes up, I offer to help. Strangely, I've discovered my ability to love and help others cannot not run out, not if I love with and for Christ. If anything, the more I love the more I can love. Call it politics of God's crazy upside down kingdom.

Along with all this love, however, is such a thing as loving boundaries. It's a strange, touchy subject since love is supposed to have no bounds. Someone quite profoundly once said that we should love God and love your neighbor as yourself. But which takes precedence over what? It seems like we are supposed to be able to accommodate all three things at once; loving God, neighbor and self. It's no good if I love everyone around me and completely neglect myself, or if I'm sold out for God but do nothing about the poor haggard family with a gazillion kids down the street. In love, there must be a balance, which means there are times when it's completely justifiable to say no; no to myself, no to my neighbor, and even no to spending time with God.

I could go on to explain exactly what I mean by this and give examples for all three situations but this post would end up being a book. I shall trust that you can read my mind.