Here's what defines a good day:
- It's not agony to walk across the room in the morning. It still hurts, but it's bearable, and can sort of wear off by early afternoon.
- My muscles aren't complaining bitterly every time I move or every time I stay still for too long
- I can open and close my fingers with next to no pain
- I can open the refrigerator... which is always a good thing
- I probably don't have to take pain killers
- I can almost walk down stairs like a normal human being
Yup... even on my good days I'm still kind of pathetic. It's funny how your frame of reference can change in such a short amount of time. Two months ago, when all this started, I would have freaked out if I was having to function on what I now consider my "good" day. Complete. Panic. Now I think, it's not so bad. I mean, I was actually able to walk around Safeway this afternoon without grimacing. That's pretty awesome!
But I never know how tomorrow is going to be. It's like the lottery and I'm constantly trying to figure out the common factors so I can anticipate what's coming.
My common morning conversation with myself goes something like this:
Hmmm... it's a bad/good day (choose one) today. I wonder if I didn't drink enough water yesterday. Okay, tonight more water... until I float my way asleep and who cares how much I have to get up in the middle of the night.
And I ate pizza last night.... I wonder if gluten in the dough caused my hands to cramp. That's it, from now on I'm not eating gluten ever again. I'm shall now go through my cupboards and throw all gluten-y things away.
Then there was the ice cream... that's probably why I don't feel as horrible as I could. Yes, I think I need more ice cream and possibly more tropical fruit in my diet. Especially mangoes.
That's pretty much how it goes every morning, except all the details are different. I have gone off of gluten and I am wondering if that's contributing to the better days I've been experiencing. I kind of don't want to put it to the test though. If I start eating my usual flour-filled diet and end up reverting to a painful wreck then I'll really kick myself.
Side note: I went and got a bunch of blood drawn for all the really expensive tests that I'm going to have done FOR FREE (I have heath insurance!!!). They took so much blood I nearly passed out. My vision started to narrow, my hearing got all distorted and I sort of crumpled over the blood draw station. When I became master of myself again I discovered that I was being propped up by a few extra nurses who had mysteriously appeared out of thin air. Weird.
Another side note: One of the tests being done is so rare that they're sending my blood to the Center for Disease Control because they're the only ones around who can do the test.
Whoa. Should be a proud about how hard core I am? I mean, seriously, who has the CDC test their blood? That's crazy extreme! Well, come to think of it, probably a lot of YWAMers do...
Or maybe should I get swallowed up by self pity that what I have is possibly so unique that only the CDC can diagnose it.
I'll find out in a week or so. I'm pretty convinced that the tests are going come back showing that I'm a mutant and all this is just my body warming up to my new super powers that will probably have something to do with teleportation and shooting dagger out of my hands.
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