Personality

I've been talking to a friend recently about personality types, specifically the Meyers Briggs. I took a little 75 question test and it turns out the ENTP personality type, especially as explained on this website, pretty much sums me up.

At first I was like, "Hooray, this is me! I do these things and they're awesome!" but then, as I read on, I got discouraged.

I've always had this irresistible pull towards new adventures. I swear airplanes are magnetic... and they're tuned in to my exact brain waves. Mountains, too, call to me from afar as do new cities, new countries, new hobbies, new projects, new places to live, new life purposes and new people (in moderation). And in these new things I see infinite amazing possibilities.

As I push for the new, the old gets left behind. It's not that I don't appreciate or value the old stuff (it could have been the best apartment or job or country...) it's just that the new pulls at me, and I can't help but respond.

Which is all good and fine, except for the fact that the people aren't left exactly left out of the equation. I'm not necessarily off looking for new friends, but I'm prone to seek new experiences regardless of how it will affect people around me... including myself.

This sentence from this website gets me... because I have experienced it again and again.

"ENTP can (because of their desire to seek new experiences) separate themselves from the ground of their life, from the constancy of their friends and family and, without even realizing it, they can easily find themselves in untenable positions where, without support, they wonder why they are suddenly alone and lost."

Ohhh... so all that adventuring leaves me without a support base. I end up on my own and wonder why if feel disconnected, lost, alone and sad. And it's a result of my personality? Hmm. That explains why it keeps happening.

Lame.

It goes on to say that ENTPs can be ignorant of how their actions affect social and interpersonal relationships, often thinking they are "above" or untouched by these silly limiting values. They're just ignorant of the effects which can flow from their often compulsive need for change or to show how individual they are.

Crap. It's true.

Let me tell you, I was the only student in college who rode a Razor to class because it was faster than walking. I was a dork, but I was efficient darn it. And to me, my efficiency made me smarter (and therefore ultimately cooler) than people around me.

Sure, I was made fun of, but I was above my classmates silly judgments that would reduce me to a societal lemming. I was smarter than style, smarter than American culture, smarter than the ad's on TV that told me what to buy and why.

But my efficient "coolness" isolated me in a weird sort of way, even though I thought I was above such petty social rankings. I, no doubt, came across as arrogant and judgmental, out of touch with reality and opinionated.

And I still do it to this day. Did you know I spin fire poi, and love it (who wouldn't love spinning flaming balls of fire around their head)? But contrary to my thinking, sometimes people don't think spinning poi is cool....

Since I can't exactly intuit what will isolate me from my social group, friends and family I have to listen to what people say around me....

So, next time I come asking you if I'm a dork because of this or that, know that it's not out of insecurity... I'm just truly ignorant. And I really do need your help.

And if you don't hear from me for weeks or months, it's not because I don't love you. I'm just (too) absorbed with my current adventure. I'll surface soon and realize that I'm alone and I've isolated myself again. I'll kick myself for it and then write you an email or a text.