About a week ago while I was avoiding studying for my exams by practicing fire dancing in my living room and trying not to destroy my furniture (don't worry, I practice without fire) the blinds rustled and I saw this tiny man in a blue superman-ish suit with a cape standing on my deck.
It took me a minute to get over my shock of seeing A)a tiny man on my deck and B)a tiny man on my deck in a blue spandex suit who was obviously taking himself way too seriously. I busted up laughing and he flew up and karate chopped my eyes.... which made me and cry and flail around blindly. But while I was flailing he took the opportunity to tell me that he was ¡CAPTAIN PROCRASTINATION! And he was here to save my day.
I would have laughed again but my eyes were still stinging and tears were streaming down my face and I thought I better not laugh at a karate-chopping tiny man in a blue spandex suit.
He went on to explain that I was suffering from the regular guilt-ridden form of procrastination, a very dire condition with long term side affects including but not limited to ulcers, anxiety disorders, hair loss, flu-like symptoms and random bouts of insanity. He was going to instruct me in the ways of guilt-free procrastination to insure that I would have a long and happy life free from the burdens responsibility, ownership, jobs where you make money, and education.
All it would require was a healthy dose of DENIAL. He showed me a little glass vial that had DENIAL printed on it in pretty swirling writing. Captain Procrastination informed me that today was my lucky day, this little vial of DENIAL was 49 percent off! What a deal!
I have to admit. His pitch was pretty convincing. And who could resist a 49 percent off deal? Just think... guilt-free procrastination.... all those things I could freely procrastinate from and not feel one bit of remorse. I'd be free of them once and for all. I couldn't resist.
I bought the vial of DENIAL and now take it regularly in my morning coffee. I'm still waiting for that full guilt-free feeling me but Captain Procrastination says that you have to work up to these things.
In the mean time I write blogs and draw little pictures and tell myself I don't need to study for my exam. In fact I don't think exams even exist.
1 comment:
My heart is just starting to slow down to the normal rate. If only I'd kept reading and realized it was captain procrastination and not the "spiderman murderer" I remember from the 90's. Phew!
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