Slackerness.

For some reason I'm resisting being responsible. I'm not choosing to be irresponsible... it's just happening.

For starters, I think my memory has been destroyed by deep space radiation. I know that sounds pretty unlikely but so does every other explanation. The point is, I can't remember things. Names have always given me problems but things have reached a whole new level. I've been double or triple booking meeting times. I've completely forgotten meetings. I've forgotten meals. I've forgotten to get my keys out of my car and locked them inside. I've forgotten birthdays (which I guess isn't that strange). I've forgotten where I'm supposed to be and when.

This is not good. I've just started a new job and I know my boss thinks I'm the most irresponsible person on the planet.

Then there's the motivational factor. So let's say I do (at the very last minute) remember that I'm supposed to be at a meeting. I show up and everything is happy as can be. The meeting starts. Things are going well. But then I start to realize that I'm not sure what's going on. I don't know how I fit. Some people are doing this, some people that. And me? I'm just sitting there taking it all in. If I was highly motivated I would push everyone to get me involved. I'd seek answers to my questions. I'd start strategizing about what's going on and how I can help make it better.

But I don't. I just sit there. I can't find it in myself to put forth the effort to figure things out. I'm like a picture on the wall, a lump on a log, a wall-flower. I figure I'll get the hang of things eventually. Why try to force something prematurely along? C'est la vie. These things take time. But I get this sneaking suspicion that I'm actually just trying to justify my lack of motivation with excuses.

So now I'm irresponsible AND unmotivated. Great. That's a terrific way to start a new job.