There's something about my life that's striking me a little odd. We all go through seasons, we all ebb and flow with experiences and our reactions to them. But I've begun to wonder about myself. I used to think about life more, I used to be a little more certain of my abilities... or maybe i just thought I was.

Recently I've been wondering if the loneliness of my years in Korea has backlashed me into becoming a shallow, social experience driven extrovert. For some reason I have a hard time spending any amount time reflecting on life. I have a hard time spending my free time alone. I'm always looking for ways to distract myself. And when I do reflect on the fact that I don't want to reflect, I come to inconclusive, ambiguous and unsatisfying conclusions.

Something happened when I came back from Korea. Some part of me grew frightened of hardship, loneliness, of having authority and courage, of standing in front of crowds and being bold. I'm not sure what the issues is and I don't know why it is. It's all so fuzzy and unsubstantial, like mist that carries a smell of something.... something I can't put my finger on.