My mind is stewing.

I have been unable to raise support. Not much has come in and time is running out. YWAM starts in January and will cost $6000. My roommate in Korea needs money for rent (it's a long story) and I have nothing to give her. Things suddenly look very bleak. I have two months left.

I'm wondering suddenly if I've been misdirected. Maybe now is not the right time for YWAM. Maybe I should return to Seoul and get a job at a university. I could save money to go to YWAM and I could be involved in the classes to the prostitutes. I would get back in the game, so to speak and have more hope for the future.

Maybe I will leave it up to God. If the money comes in for YWAM, YWAM it is. If money does not come in I'll go back to Korea and work for a while. Or maybe God will provide something else.

I wish my life was more stable. I feel like I'm jerking everyone around. One day I say this, the next day that, the next week the other thing. I want to be consistent and trustworthy, one of those people who, when they say something, you know they're going to follow it through. But my adventure is very unpredictable. It always has been. My parents know not to trust anything I say until I'm actually doing it, not because I'm unpredictable, but because so often my circumstances are. I hope people who follow my story don't start thinking they can't trust anything I say.