I just finished my final exam and I should feel happy that it's over, but I don't. For some reason, I had the hardest time ever studying for this exam. I locked myself in my room, set out all my books and papers like a good student should but then proceeded to stare out the window for hours. (My apartment has great big windows that look out over Seoul. Big windows that look out over a teeming city are seriously as distracting as the flickering flames of a fire). I just couldn't concentrate. I was too annoyed and anxious about my life to focus.

I thought I would feel better after my exam was over--one less thing to worry about--but I feel mournful. My studies started so well but they seem to have ended so badly. And it's not all about how much I did or didn't study. It's more of a grasping issue. It seems that there are some key things I have not grasped in class that other people have. I went from a confident high-to-average student to a low, struggling one. The change happened so quickly that it took me a while to notice it.

I hate feeling so negative. Chin up! Square your shoulders! Take a deep breath and repeat after me: I Am A Good, Smart Student.

Learning language takes time. It takes effort. It takes blood, sweat and tears. For some people learning a language is as fun as eating ice cream. For others it's a life of suffering.

And so I inflict pain and punishment on my brain until at last I will have the results I desire. Though I suffer, I refuse to give up. Though I fail, I will try again. So take that, Korean!