Slavery, Obedience and Fear

I've been re-reading one of my favorite and inspiring auto-biographies, Jackie Pullinger's Chasing the Dragon. It's so good but soooo challenging. As a young woman Jackie hopped on a boat bound for Hong Kong with nothing more than confidence in God that he was telling her to "go." He didn't tell her much more than that.

She ended up working in the lawless, drug infested Walled City for years, helping gangsters find Christ. Her faith is truly incredible and such a testimony. God can do so much with something called Obedience.

Sometimes I think I mix up the word "obedience" with "slavery," as in I get the impression that I'm supposed to blindly follow God like a drone in a beehive. Have you heard people say, "More of you God, less of me!" like for some reason who I am is bad and supposed to be completely sloughed off like snake skin?

I'm pretty sure God delighted in me when he made me or why would he have made me the way I am? If I'm supposed to be a slave, why would he have created my mind? Why give us free will? Why be in a relationship with him at all? Sure, there are sinful parts of me that definitely need to be given over to him--I am not perfect, I am not holy and yes, I do need more of God in my life. But God delights in the uniqueness of who I am, like a parent delights in their child.

Slavery isn't a choice and that's how it's different from obedience. I shouldn't follow God blindly, feeling forced and subtly resenting the things he's making me do because I'm his slave. I should instead follow him with eyes wide open, engaging my body, soul and mind in what he's asking of me. I choose to follow him. I choose him and his ways with the fullness of who I am so I can get to know the fullness of who he is.

I think blind faith can be quite dangerous. In order to be blind in your faith you have to close your eyes to a whole lot of other things too, like the fact that you'll face resistance and trials in whatever God is calling you to. Like God, for the greater good, may send you through long years of suffering--he may even allow you to die! Or like fact that God wants you to engage your brain and work together with him to solve the problems that may come up.

And often blind faith is blind to fear. Fear is viewed as a negative thing that keeps people from having faith... and while this is probably true, blindly ignoring your fear is just as detrimental.

Usually, whatever we run from is the very thing that has the most control over us. If I keep refusing to think about my fear then I'm not doing a good job of fighting it. I'm in denial. I'm pretending. And eventually, that fear will sneak in a side door and slowly eat me up. I'll start having panicky dreams, I'll struggle with anxiety, I'll try to cling to God more and tell myself my faith just isn't strong enough. I'll judge myself for not being very "Christian" and try to make up for it by doing more good stuff for God.

Instead, have eyes-wide-open faith. Acknowledge the fear and allow yourself peer into its depths. Unravel it, poke it, be honest about it. And then give it to God. Bring God in. Turn it over to him. Allow him to be in that mess of fear with you. Ask him for courage to overcome it and engage the strengths and gifts he's given you to stand against it. Having fear isn't a sin. It's not a bad thing to be afraid. It's what you do in response to it that's important.

And eyes-wide-open faith knows that there is a choice involved in following him, and you've chosen it.

I know I'm sounding a little preachy in this post but it's because I'm preaching to myself. I have got to remember this stuff.