I've been trying over the past few weeks, to get back in touch with myself. If you would have asked me six months ago if I was obsessed with work, I would have told you no, silly. I'm just committed and very dedicated to seeing progress in fighting the human trafficking issue.

If you would have asked me how often I called my good friends, how often I went for a hike or wrote on my blog, how often I felt like my life was fun and enjoyable I would have looked at you with a blank stare. Life is... good, I would have said after some introspection. I'm traveling all over the world, I'm speaking on trafficking, I'm researching and starting a ministry from scratch. I'm busy, no doubt, but that's normal.

But if you would have asked me again why I didn't pursue any hobbies and when did I enjoy actually enjoy life, I wouldn't be able to answer.

Because, honestly, I would be asking myself the same question.

Three weeks ago for the first time, I allowed myself to ask all the questions and I allowed myself to recognize that I didn't have any answers. That led me into a bit of a panic and I started to ask myself if life was always going to be this way, sort of a gray color absent of sparks of fun I've always enjoyed.

No matter what life is like, no matter what you're doing or how poor you are, there are a few things you can never compromise. Here are a few obvious things I've re-learned.

What gives you life?
Work may be enjoyable and give you meaning (or it may not) but there are things outside of the daily grind that instill joy back into you. Whatever that may be, you are not allowed to compromise pursuing it. Even if it's an expensive hobby, be responsible and save up so you can do it. If it eats into your scarce free-time, know that the sacrifice is worth it because you will be happier in the end. If people judge you for your poor use of time/money brush them off because you know that you need this.

For me, I cannot compromise my love for the outdoors. I've always had a hard time justifying this hobby because it's so expensive. The gear, the travel, the time off.... I feel guilty investing in the proper equipment that will keep me dry; I have a hard time justifying educating myself on mountaineering, outdoor survival.... But I love it. It gives me life and I have to see it as investing in my own mental wellbeing.

Take time off.
As obvious as this is, it's hard to take time off when you're not really sure when it's time on. I don't have a regular work week, I don't have a schedule, I don't have clear weekends, I don't have defined vacation time. That might seem kinda nice, but it comes with it's own difficulties. The ambiguity of it has caused my perfectionistic/slacker tendencies to grow into something just short of obsession.

(Perfectionistic/slacker: someone who knows they are a big slacker, as expressed when they were and irresponsible, unmotivatable, slacker student. Always in fear of their slacker side re-manifesting they overcompensate in their adult life and so become a slightly obsessed perfectionist, haunted and tortured by their past).

In my obsessiveness it's hard to recognize just how much time I need to unwind from my day. And when days turn to months and I haven't had time to process, I find myself jolting awake in the night because I forgot for the millionth time to call someone back. I discover myself unable to unwind, unable to process life, unable to do enjoy. I discover that I'm simply surviving.

I often think I'm someone I'm not. I secretly think my first name has the word "Super" in front of it. I think I can handle things, I think I can do it, and most of the time I do... but at a cost. It's comes as a shock to find that I'm merely human, and a delicate one at that.

Us delicate mortals need time off and we need it to be guilt free. We need to recognize when to set boundaries, when to let all the responsibilities go for a day or a week and find joy again.