I have not felt very articulate the past couple of days, which is a complete shame since so many cool things have been happening.

I happen to be in Hawaii at the moment, at a major YWAM base on the Big Island. I came here hoping to gain greater insight into this thing called Youth With A Mission, to network with people and ministries and to learn a few things about leadership.

I've networked myself to death. I've been out to coffee with person after person... all my clothes reek of coffee shop. (I don't know why people here think sitting in a dark cafe beats lawn chairs under a beach umbrella over looking Kona bay. I keep insisting that we sit outside, sunglasses, sunscreen and all. People think I'm a little crazy but if they had just come from the freezing land of overcoats, numb fingers and damp shoes they'd understand).

Networking is an ambiguous animal. How do you measure networking? How do you know you've done it well? How do you know when to call it quits for the day or if it's making any difference at all?

Networking is all about people and who they know. It's about joining groups together that have, at least in some sense, a common goal. It's about learning from other people's mistakes, about encouraging others. It's about joining forces by linking arms; not knowing what will come of our links but having confidence that there is a purpose and a reason. Networking is like creating a sleeping army that you hope you can call upon in time of need.

But that's where I get all fuzzy.... all this linking means a whole lot of communication. And keeping in contact with people, especially network-y people isn't my forte. I find I don't know what to do with my network. I make the initial contact and then... and then....

Thus the nagging feeling that I have no idea what I'm doing. I want to scream it out sometimes because I don't think people believe me.

I was invited to speak in two DTS's this week. The theme of one of my talks was, "I have no idea what I'm doing...." When I was done the crowd went wild. People said I inspired them, that God spoke to them, and they were encouraged, uplifted, motivated, that they were determined to get out there and do something, that they saw me as a key networker, and that what I'm doing is great and keep it up. I walked away still feeling all ambiguous, still feeling like I have no idea what I'm doing... and telling people about it hadn't help me out.

I'm afraid of a disconnect between peoples perception of me and reality. I'm afraid that they think or will think that I have things figured out, that I should amazing at fighting human trafficking, at keeping in contact, at knowing what to do with a network and that somehow I'm to blame for the fact that God spoke to them and they were encouraged.... I'm afraid of their expectations of me and the fact that I may disappoint them, that they will grow bitter at me, blame me for hurts I never knew existed. I'm afraid of human nature.

Humanly speaking, if you build something out of confusion it will eventually implode in on its own disorganized, disillusioned foundation.

But it's a good thing God is the foundation of all this. It's a good thing all I'm called to do is my absolute best to the best of my knowledge and abilities. It's a good thing I can say I have no idea what I'm doing because that means God is doing it. It's a good thing I can trust God with not only myself but with others. And it's a good thing I run this race not to please humanity but to please the King.