I'm really frustrated right now. It's like I need to go soak in a tub, listen to Enya and do deep breathing exercises. All because I've procrastinated myself to insanity.

I hate it when I drive myself crazy. There's no escape. I can't leave my unproductive self behind and take a vacation. I'm stuck with me day and night; constantly. I need a break.

A month ago now, my computer broke (one of my many excuses for not updating in so long). I've been talking to people and scheming about how to get another one. After deliberating forever and talking to a million people I finally, last week, decided to get a brand new mac. It's hard for me to justify a new computer, especially one that isn't the absolute bottom price cheapest one out there.... but I need it (right?) and so I have to trust that God will work out the finances.

I still haven't gotten around to buying it. It's almost like it's too scary... there's too much money involved and if I put off buying it long enough maybe, by some miracle, the exact laptop I want will miraculously end up on my door step. Somehow or another my wishful thinking has kept me from reality... and the reality is that I need to buy the darn computer. And since I don't have a computer I'm having trouble preparing the seminar I'm presenting next week.....

So the real reason I'm frustrated? I'm procrastinating preparing for my seminar because I've procrastinated buying a computer. I hate this feeling. It reminds me of college. I was the supreme dictator of procrastination for most of my life but it was school and honestly I didn't care that much.

A two hour seminar in Athens, Greece on human trafficking is not something I feel comfortable procrastinating on.
Thus my mounting desire to take a vacation away from myself.