Again... I should be going to bed but instead I'm sitting here writing a blog. I get these crazy urges at the most inconvenient times.

I've really been struggling with this whole speaking-at-youth-groups thing. Last week, a kid and his mom dropped by the base to check it out. She led a youth group and wanted to know if she could use our ropes course for an event. It was convenient for me... they were right there, so I told them I was looking to speak at youth groups and asked if I could come.

The lady looked almost teary eyed. She and her husband had been thrown into leading the group a month ago after the usual guy up and left for some reason. She had been praying that God would send them help... and there I was.

So I'm speaking tomorrow. The prep has been such a battle. I thought I'd speak on identity issues (what teenager doesn't deal with that?) but after I had written almost the entire presentation I sat back and didn't feel right about it. It just wasn't...right. I was missing something.

So I discarded my plans and sat down and prayed... again. Time was running out but I forced myself not to feel panicky. God what do you want to say to these kids? After a while I knew that I was supposed to talk about betrayal and I was supposed to incorporate my passion and my story.

My personal story doesn't involve a lot of betrayal, but I can't imagine a group of people in the world who feel more betrayed that those who have been trafficked. As for the youth group, they've gone through six youth pastors in the past four year. Those who have stuck around probably feel pretty betrayed.

Now I just have to connect those two thoughts....

This experience has been teaching me again what it means to depend on God. Faith involves trusting that God has the right person for the job. In the quietness of my own mind I've often thought, God I have faith in you, but I don't have faith in myself. Are you sure you don't want someone else to do it?

But I have to trust that he knows what he's doing with me. I need to believe that even though I feel like I don't know what I'm doing, God will come through. And I have to be confident in that.

Moses couldn't talk. David was a shepherd boy. Ruth was a Moabite. Joseph was a slave. Esther was just a girl. Peter was a fisherman. Paul was an accomplice to murder. Jesus was a carpenter.

There's hope for us all.