To all of those who actually know me, I want to apologize. My blog is getting too public. Since tons of random people I don't know randomly end up on my blog for who-knows-what-reason I feel like I can't be as honest and open on it as I used to be. Therefore, everything I've been posting in the last month has been more shallow and washed out. Maybe you prefer that.... I don't. It annoys me. Pretty soon I'm going to take some drastic measures, like changing my blog address. Just thought I'd warn you.

I'm leaving Korea in two weeks. I can't wait. The past six months have been so difficult. They've made me feel unstable. I'm going to come back to Korea, of course. I always will until something drastic happens that tells me other wise. But I really need a break. Oh, and I need money. That's the real reason why I'm leaving. I've been broke for nearly two months. It's easy to say that God has provided, because he has, but just think for a moment what living a seriously broke life really means (or maybe you know exactly what I mean).

There was one week when all I had left was $30. I had spent the week eating pancakes (this was, of course, the influencing factor in that dream about Ryan becoming one), and was very depressed to see my money come to an end. I decided to spend $10 on gas for my car, another ten to recharging my phone card and the final ten for recharging my public transportation card so I could keep going to school once my car ran out of gas. I still had a lot of pancake batter left so I wouldn't be starving any time soon... but one starts to miss veggies.

Then the next day, on a whim, I decided to check the balance in my bank account, just to make sure it really was empty. I don't know why I did it. I knew my account was empty, I had drained it of cash a month before! But then, at the bank, four hundred dollars was staring at me in the face. I was in shock. I stood looking at the ATM screen for a good minute. Then out of some age old habit, I numbly took out a hundred dollars and went home. It was a few hours before the reality of it hit me. Suddenly, I realized what sort of freedom this money had given me. I could buy veggies! I could keep going to school! I could help my roommate out with the bills (which she had paid for the past three months, along with all the rent. She's the best.) I would survive!

It's been amazing. Since that time, God has provided even more. Friends have been handing me cash and people have given anonymously. Others have taken me out to eat or paid for me to have fun. God took me to the very bottom of what I had. It was a horrible test, but I've passed (for now). Not with flying colors, mind you. God heard lots of complaints. He had to put up with lots of shouting, accusing and a general attitude bitterness. I was not very happy.

Even though I now have enough to eat and commute to school, I still can't afford to be here. I don't have the money for another term of school, I don't have enough money for rent or the bills. I need some financial consistency and God knows it. He knows that it isn't about whether or not I can trust him any more, it's about being practical. Helping prostitutes will not happen if He does not provide the funds. So, I'll be in the States for two months at least (and perhaps two more) raising support. I'm interested to see what God has in store.