Yesterday, as I was walking home from the store, I was approached by a random Korean middle-aged man. Just as I was passing him, he shouted a quick, "Hey! Hello! Excuse me." Being in a rather amiable mood, I stopped to see what he wanted. The first thing I noticed was that this man was standing too close to me. I took a step back. The second thing I noticed was that he arrogantly over-confident.

His words spilled over without waiting for a response from me. "Is this your neighborhood? Yes? It's mine too. I've been taking English lessons. I need to speak English. You are going to speak English with me. We will meet at a cafe some time. What's your phone number? Give me your phone number." And he expected me to give him my phone number just like that. Of course, I don't respond very well when people I don't know start demanding things from me. There's this strange stubborn streak in me that really gets me into trouble sometimes.

So I told the man I was busy; that was true enough. But the guy didn't buy it. "We're all busy! Now, give me your phone number. We're going to meet." I told him I had some friends he could get together with, but he cut me off. If this guy was being blunt because he lacked the linguistic ability to be polite it could have been forgiven. But he was rude. It's that particular Korean male dominance rudeness--that cultural idea that because I'm a Korean man I know everything and I demand servitude from all females (except usually foreigners, which is why I don't often butt heads with this infuriating cultural predisposition). Needless to say, this guy was not used to being told no.

Since being busy wasn't going to work and he didn't want to meet my friends, maybe the truth would get through to him. So I said, "Um... excuse me, but I'm not comfortable with teaching you English. First of all, you are a stranger and have come up to me on the street--" And that's all the farther I got when the guy virtually exploded.

"STRANGE! I'M NOT STRANGE! Why is this strange? Everyone in Korea wants to learn English. I am not strange!" I calmly told him, no he was not strange, he was a stranger, a person I did not kno--

"I AM NOT STRANGE! You must teach me English!" He was yelling loudly now, in that particular Korean way of attempting to resolve issues. It's especially saved for car accidents when no one is willing to admit they're at fault. The rule is who ever yells the loudest wins. I don't know how this guy equated a car accident with English teaching, but he did. Recognizing that mad glint in his eye, I walked away. He was definitely not used to people walking away from him like that. He started swearing loudly in English which, for some reason, really amused me.

I'm a little worried about what may happen when I see him again. We live at the same train station and, given enough time, we're bound to meet again. The guy seemed like a bit of a loose cannon, capable of who knows what. Will he hold a grudge against me? Will he have some whacky perception of the events that took place and justify his actions there by allowing him to harass me the next time we meet?

Oddly enough, this story reminds me of another one. At first glance, these two stories don't seem that similar. But both stories involve men I don't know getting angry at me because I did something I thought was the right thing to do.

I was in the Tokyo airport on my way to Thailand a while ago. I had met this guy in the airport and we started chatting. After about an hour of hanging out, I told him I needed to talk to a gate agent about my stand-by seat. The guy offered to watch my rather large, heavy bags so I wouldn't have to drag them through the press of people near the desk. It was a kind offer but I was hesitant to leave it with him--a stranger, someone I didn't know and didn’t trust. Having no good excuse for taking my bags with me I left them with him. But I was uncomfortable. I had no idea who this guy really was, I didn't know about his intentions, his life, past, future. I knew nothing. For all I knew, he could be a drug dealer wanting to slip something into my bags while I was not looking (just like that one movie, whatever it was).

So I walked back to the guy and grabbed my bags. I explained to him that I didn't mean to be rude, but I didn't know him from Adam and traveling as a woman alone I had to take certain precautions. It was nothing personal. But to my surprise, he got mad at me (but less verbally than the Korean guy, being from the States and all). He told me I wasn’t being very nice and of course he was going to take it personally. I was baffled. I try to explain to him that I hardly knew him and that for all I knew he could be a really bad guy. For all he knew, I could be a psychomaniac. Isn’t it logical for me to be careful? He accused me of not trusting him, to which I replied he was exactly right. How can I trust a person I've only known for an hour?! I didn't understand how he could not get it.

I started to feel bad about what I had done, but then got miffed at myself for feeling bad. Why should I feel bad? I did what any normal person would have done at the beginning. But somehow, he had flipped the situation back at me. Now he wasn’t the bad guy, I was. How could I be the bad guy? Don’t those airport announcements always say, never leave your baggage unattended? Isn’t leaving your bags with a stranger just as good as leaving them unattended?

Both of these situations gave me the same feeling. That it's somehow my fault for having boundaries. I should feel bad, I should be yelled at because I'm not giving in to some weird sort of social pressure. In both of these situations, I was totally caught off guard by the way these people responded to me. Isn't it my right to say no to the Korean guy? He has no right to get mad at me over that. Isn't it my right to take my bags where I want? The airport guy has no right to be mad at me for that.

I just don't get it. Is there something in the picture that I'm missing? At the same time (perhaps because I don't get it) the response of these two guys amuses me. I don't know if I have ever offended two perfect strangers so perfectly. It's nice to know I have it in me to stand for what I believe even when the people around me don't agree with me.