October 31st, Sunday.
2:07 pm.
I went to the wrong airport to catch a flight to L.A. this morning. What a nightmare! The darn travel agent messed up the departure cities so I spent 30 minutes trying to coerce the airline to change my non-changeable, non-refundable ticket. Now I'm out $400 but I've made it to Tokyo where I can get back on track with the tickets I already bought (thank goodness I was going via Tokyo!!). I hate that travel agent! I had already vowed never to use them again because of past mistakes. I should have known....


November 1st, Monday.
10:34 am.
Having spent a happy and surprisingly un-jet lagged day with Sandy in L.A. yesterday, I'm now on an Amtrak train bound for San Diego to see Joyce. It's strange to think that Sandy will be getting married in less than a week. She's cheerful but a little worried about how everything will work and mostly she's just looking forward to being a married woman. She seems so ready for it but I know that she's had to struggle through some issues to prepare herself for a life of selflessness-- which is what marriage is. As a friend I need to prepare myself for the change, but I can't yet-- it seems premature.

November 3th, Wednesday.
8:19 pm
I'm in the car driving back up to L.A. with Joyce. The rumble of the car is soothing and the darkness outside is conducive to conversation. Tomorrow morning we're going to go to the airport to pick up Joanne who's coming in from Korea. Little do we know how incredibly lost we are going to get in L.A. over the course of the next few days.... Sandy's wedding is only three days away and events have already begun their crescendo toward the climax. I have the distinct feeling that my life is totally out of my hands. I'm just a thread of music in the orchestra score.

November 5th, Saturday.
11:59 pm.
Joanne, Joyce and I did something very reminiscent earlier today. We went shopping together. I always find better stuff when I go shopping with my friends. Contrary to popular thought, not all girls like shopping. Usually, after an hour of browsing, I get frustrated and leave-- which explains the state of my wardrobe. My friends are good for me. Their encouragement keeps me looking and their excitement is contagious. Any attempt my wardrobe has a looking good is because of them.

At the moment, I'm playing a hilarious game of cards with all of Scott's groomsmen, a guy named Victor who is going to sing in the wedding, and of course Joyce and Joanne. There's no real describing how much fun we are having. Hilarious is the only word I can think of. Over on one couch there's Joyce giving Victor an extremely hard time because he can take it. Then there's Dave and James who are getting competitive and trying to throw everyone off by fake hand signals. There's Won Ho and I who are giving them a run for their money, Joyce and Chris who aren't get very far because Joyce is getting distracted by Victor, and Joanne and Victor who mysteriously always have more points than they deserved. Basically, the game is mass chaos and we love it.


November 6th, Saturday.
3:33 pm.
I'm standing on the stage of Sandy's church, a bouquet of flowers in hand, watching my beautiful friend walk down the isle with her dad. I always turn in to a weeping mess when the bride walks in but today, in front of over 500 people, I'm having to control myself. A mess of a bridesmaid wouldn't do at all. Before the wedding I actually had to disappear for a few minutes while I visualized the wedding and dealt with some of the emotions the event would produce. That's the only reason I have any semblance of composure at the moment. But my illusion of serenity is thin and trembling. I can't watch her or I'll loose it. How will I survive the ceremony?

4:49 pm.
It's over but I still can't allow myself to feel what just occurred. That'll have to happen later. For now, Sandy looks happy, a wife of just 15 minutes and Scott is standing at her side glowing. They are greeting the hundreds of people who came to show their support. I look at my dear friend and so many thoughts spring to mind; about our friendship, about the old days. Life is a river that travels on and no matter where you wish it would stay, it just doesn't. Time frozen in place would stagnate and become a haunted version of that which I wish would remain. I feel a profound sadness overwhelm me but I push it away. I can't allow myself to feel-- not yet.

November 7th, Saturday.
1:38 am.
The receptions are over and I've finally changed out of my dress and into something more comfortable. Even though it's late I'm in a car heading towards a karaoke place with my friends and some people from the wedding. As I watch L.A. fly past the window I feel myself being pulled into a state of reflection. I'm not sure what I'm being so reflective about; I'm still not allowing myself to feel. I think there's something about tonight that I really want to remember, to imprint on my mind.