Last May, I decided to defy logic and do something very drastic with myself. I decided to throw my life away, to toss it over my shoulder without a glance and follow God. No, I did not become a Christian last May, I took the next step. I said, God, seriously, whatever you want me to do I will do even if it means acting like a lunatic in front of the world. And I was serious, too. So here's the story of what happened. It's long and written a bit formally (it's going to get published in a Christian magazine along with an interview!!!) but maybe you will find it interesting. At the very least, you'll discover what I'm going to be doing for the next year.


A Step of Faith

The light turned red and my friend slowed the car to a stop right next to a small store window where a young woman lounged in a tank top, brushing her hair. We had been out shopping that evening in Pohang, South Korea and returned home along a road we usually only take during the day. At the traffic light, I stared at the young prostitute in the store window and wondered how a girl got into such a profession and what made her stay. I voiced my questions to my friend along with a particular question that would never leave me. Where was the church? Were any Christians reaching out to these women?

The number of “pink houses,” or brothels distinctly lit by pink lights, I saw on my way home that night surprised me. Once home, I prayed for the young women in prostitution, for both those who were forced into it by personal or family debt and those who chose it as their profession. As I prayed I felt God leading me to investigate the situation, to find answers to the questions that had begun to plague me. I had the distinct feeling that God wanted me to do something about it.

That week, I talked to some of my Korean friends about the prostitutes and they seemed to know as little as I did about the situation. I asked them if they thought it would be possible to offer them free English classes and use those classes to share the gospel. My Korean friends’ reactions were negative. “Oh, they wouldn’t want to learn English,” one friend told me. “They all did poorly in school and have no hope of becoming anything more than they are.” Another friend told me that prostitution was connected to the local mafia and counseled me not to put myself in unneeded danger.

Their answers discouraged me and soon I stopped asking about it. What was I able to do about it anyway, I questioned? I could not speak Korean, I did not know anything about prostitution and the Koreans themselves viewed it as a hopeless situation. After a while, I set the issue aside and forgot about it. That was late October of 2003.

I did not notice anything abnormal about my life until the next spring. Christmas had passed in a flurry of activity and travel, school had begun again and the weather was biting cold. The international church I had been attending for the past year and a half was offering small group meetings and I signed up. My small group and I spent the next twelve weeks working our way through Mark Blackaby’s Experiencing God workbook.

As we progressed through the first few lessons, I began to sense something was wrong with my spiritual life. My quiet times of reading the Bible and praying were progressively more lifeless and dry and I felt a deep apathy invade every area of my life. Not wanting to be sucked further into lethargic misery I prayed harder, fasted more and shared my struggle with my small group. They prayed for me but nothing seemed to help.

On a dreary Sunday afternoon, two months later, I sank to my knees next to my couch in bitter frustration. I had tried everything I could to get my spiritual life back on track but I still felt distant from God. I didn’t know what else to do. I desired with every ounce of my being to be close to him, but he was always beyond my reach. Kneeling at my couch, I whispered, Lord, what’s wrong? Have I disobeyed you at some point? What have I done? I paused, searching my life for any hint of disobedience. Then it hit me like a slap across the face.

The prostitutes.

I had completely forgotten them. Half a year ago, God had given me a clear instruction and I halfheartedly followed through, conveniently forgetting about it when it seemed too difficult. When I realized what I had done, I broke down and confessed my disobedience to God, asking for his forgiveness. The incredible pressure that God had been applying to my life lifted and I strongly felt God’s presence for the first time in months.

I suddenly understood and saw what had been happening over the past half year. In my forgetful disobedience, God had been gradually applying pressure to my life in order to draw me back to him. The more time I spent in my disobedience the greater the pressure was, making my life increasingly uncomfortable. Only when God’s hand was lifted did I realize how firmly he had been disciplining me.

I spent the next few hours communing with God, making up for the months lost to following my own, sinful way. I came out forgiven, renewed and with a deep personal desire to never be disciplined like that again. I committed myself fully to God’s service and gave up my personal goals, plans, comforts and control. I would live entirely for God and for myself no more.

Three weeks later, God had given me a new plan for life. I would not leave Korea and go to graduate school as I had planned. Instead, I would stay in the city of Pohang and start a ministry to prostitutes. With the assistance of my church, I would reach out to these forgotten girls through English classes and invite them to learn my native tongue and the Truth at the same time.

There would still be many steps of faith to be taken but I had absolute assurance that God would prove faithful. This was his work after all. All I needed to do was follow him and trust that in his infinite wisdom and awesome power, all things are possible through Christ who give me strength.